Create a parenting plan

From a general intention to practical arrangements

Write down where the children stay, who picks them up and drops them off and how holidays and public holidays are divided. Also consider school, medical appointments, sports and contact with the other parent. Check whether the arrangement is practically feasible.

Record how you share information and discuss important decisions. For example, choose a suitable communication channel. Consider what happens in the event of illness, a changed work schedule or an unexpected event, so that not every deviation becomes a new conflict.

For this follow-up question, read Agree on a care arrangement or visitation arrangement.

Children and finances

Involve children in agreements that affect them without making them responsible for the choice between parents. Give space to their questions and explain that adults should handle the decisions and any disputes.

Include agreements about the costs of care and upbringing. Distinguish between daily expenses, a maintenance contribution and special costs. A professional calculation can help to carefully discuss amounts and principles.

Record and adjust

In the event of a divorce, the parenting plan is sent to the judge via the lawyer. A different route applies to cohabiting parents. Also agree on when you will evaluate: children get older and arrangements sometimes need to be adjusted. Have unclear or disputed agreements reviewed.

Run throughout the school week

Write out a typical week from start to finish. Who provides breakfast, school transport, childcare and sports? Where are school supplies and medicines located? How does the schedule affect siblings? By going through one week in concrete terms, tasks that are easily missing in a global distribution become visible. Check feasibility on a normal working day and not just during a week off.

Distinguish between residence and responsibility for a task. A parent can schedule a medical appointment while the child is staying elsewhere that day. Agree who will maintain the overview and how new agreements will be coordinated. This way, the child does not end up between two agendas and, even in the absence, it is clear which parent has the necessary information.

A workable way to consult

What information is needed immediately, what can be included in a periodic message and what requires a joint decision? Choose a form of communication that both parents understand and can use. Make a note of how you will reach each other in the event of an unexpected event. Clarity prevents any response from being automatically interpreted as consent, refusal or opposition, even though there is no agreement about this.

Also consider sensitive topics such as school choice, medical care and relocation. Describe how proposals and relevant information are shared. The plan can organize consultations, but does not simply take away legal powers or a judicial review option. Have a formulation checked when one parent is given far-reaching independent decisions or when it remains unclear what should be decided jointly.

For this follow-up question, read Communication after separation: make workable arrangements.

Hypothetical example: a variable work schedule

Suppose a parent works irregularly. An agreement that the children come when it suits provides little predictability. A more concrete proposal could combine a fixed basic schedule with agreements about sharing work schedules and discussing exceptions. Indicate what information the other parent needs and how a change will only be processed after consultation.

Check whether this approach gives the child peace of mind and whether care and transport are feasible. This example is a preparation for consultation, not a model arrangement. An arrangement that works for one family may mean too many changes or travel time elsewhere. Ask not only what parents find useful, but also what the child notices on a daily basis from the proposed schedule.

Evaluate without making children responsible

Children grow and circumstances change. Discuss which signals require evaluation, such as a different school or persistent transport problems. Ask children about their experience appropriately, without changing their answer into a vote for or against a parent. Make it clear that adults remain responsible for decisions and conflicts, even when wishes are not fully followed.

Keep one recognizable version of the plan and clear additions. A loose agreement about a holiday does not have to mean a structural change to all weeks. If consultations get stuck, investigate what type of problem is at stake: communication, a legal dispute or safety. The child consultation with the judge offers space to the child, but does not make him/her responsible for the final decision.

For this follow-up question, read Reviewing separation agreements: does the plan still work?.

Test a specific agreement on an ordinary day and an exceptional day

A fictional draft says: ‘We will arrange collections and drop-offs together.’ That does not say who is responsible on Tuesday when one parent works late. A more useful discussion example identifies the usual handover place, time, who brings the school bag and how parents agree exceptions. Add what happens if a work-roster change is not known in time. This is an exercise for drafting your own agreement, not a standard arrangement for every family.

Test the proposal against three situations: a normal school day, a sick child and a parent unable to drive. Who needs to act, what information is missing and how many changes does the child experience? Record whether this is a one-off exception or a lasting change. This reveals whether an implementation detail is missing or you want to change the existing care allocation. Discuss that distinction before treating scattered messages as an entirely new plan.

Practical checklist

• Create a weekly schedule that fits around school and work.
• Collect existing care arrangements and relevant costs.
• Write down how your children can express their wishes.
• Schedule a time to review the agreements.
• Complete a full school week with care and transportation.
• Save the final version and written additions.